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I know this is a big question, but I have been asking for answer since I was 9.

These days, as I have nowhere to go (quarantine in Taipei ), I tend to think about it again and again. Minutes ago, I thought, why not I just Googled it:

What is the meaning of life?

The first link that came up was a post from The School of Life.

And it says, the meaning of life are:

1. Communicating
2. Understanding
3. Serve

In fact, I do agree with these three points. When I was thinking about the question, it often return to considering on the essence of life and humanity. Aside from eating, drinking and other survival activities, we tend to reach out to others and make connection with others. Thus, it is understandable for the article to suggest that the meaning shall be related to human connection.

However, another part of me tells me that I don't have to take others' opinion as my meaning of life.

I love making plans and list out the things I wanna do. But then I stopped having the craving to accomplish anything since the third or fourth week of quarantine. I think for one reason is that everything now looks accomplishable, yet I will never be the best at anything. The other thing is that why am I doing these things for? So now you are getting it, right? I overthink things. I make plans but then I think about why am I doing that, what do I get from that. That is what my friend called, "consequentialism."

Maybe that is why I am so obsessed with getting an answer about life. I want to know my goal in order to "make plans" for my life.

I remember my friend told me something. It was a summer afternoon in a coffee shop, and we were sitting face to face. I ordered iced Americano and he had iced latte. While I was complaining that I was afraid of making wrong decisions since I don't know the purpose of my life, he said to me,

"Maybe life is like a movie, you don't really have to make any meaning out of it."

So I guess that's that. For now, I should stop making meaning out of this life. Try my best to do everything, try everything,

be the protagonist of my own movie.

2021/7/10